Against Pink Fluffly Clouds

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Posted 03 Aug 2010 in Uncategorized

Against pink fluffy clouds on one hand
the lean lines of the buildings near my house
speak to me of the pre-existing–
what I’ve been talking about for the last year
businesses, infrastructures, histories all around
as inarguable as slabs of rock, in fact
cut square to match the grid in our minds, the increments of bricks
–we do so like to stack experience
I’ve spent the night soaking my sore body in water
mixed with salt that tastes like nothing, just liquid and slippery
I feel f-cked up because I have no bearing in family or friends
just here in my apartment with my accumulated stuff
and words to reflect on it all. . .
I have loved and lost my mind
as a result, my dreams and my heart intertwine
into some not very economical reality
and in the middle of this I google “God” and “trust” and “how to. . .”
how to trust in God when no one does
Google has no answers
just tiring Christians with tiring responses
that have nothing to do with fucking or dying or burning
or yearning or sacrifice or light or or or
I ask, how do you trust?
and some dumbass has things to say about certainty and uncertainty and reality
and I want someone else to write
something like, trust is when you give in
bend over, take it and it’s not so bad.
But that sounds too much like anal sex
doesn’t it?
So yes, on one hand the fixed, the firm, the structures that exist and proliferate
coporations, generations, et cetera
and then on the other
hand oh the firmament
the stars
the unexpected. . .
I have learned to make comparisons between
the natural and the circumstantial
I’ve started considering earthquakes more in depth
why do I like them so much
just because the ground you stand on
Just because everything firm
can collapse in a second?
Just because it doesn’t mean to hurt you but will?
Just because everything in society is built in a house
whether it family or couture
and the idea that any foundation can be turned to sand
makes it so that trust in God
is just as act of throwing yourself against
the belief in anything else

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